Story of King-Mei Wu
Ya-Li Wu. King-Mei Wu and her great-grandchildren
by Ya-Li Wu, submitted Mar
My grandmother, King-Mei Wu passed away on January 11th, 2021 from Covid-19, she was 90 years old.
When I thought of this opportunity to document and share my memory and feeling about my grandmother, I thought I needed to do it. The pain of losing her is tremendous. The truth is in the past 13 months, the things that I experienced, it’s truly different from any period of my life.
My name is Ya-Li Wu, people call me Alice, I came from Taiwan 13 years ago, my grandmother came to U.S. because her older son and his family immigrated to New York 30 years ago, her older son was killed by a drunk driver shortly after he moved to U.S. and she lost that side of her family ever since. She practically raised me because my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. She was like my mother to me.
The relationship between me and my family probably just like other Asian family, full of intense, difficult and dramatic incidents and conversations. My dad has been always very harsh and mean to me, my grandmother who also was bossy and controlling, but she was always there for me. She took care of me when none of my parents were around when I was in the elementary school, she was here in San Francisco 13 years ago when I came to study in Academy of Art University to be my company for few month. She tried her best, even though she did not understand English at all to pass the citizenship exam because my dad wanted her to help him to be able to be legal citizen.
She took care of my 7 years old son for me.
I once was a single mom for a while, working at a bank as a banker, renting in a tiny apartment with my son, my grandmother and my dad lived closed by, about 3 years ago, I was promoted to be a branch manager. My grandmother got stroke 2 years ago but luckily, she was able to recover and be able to self-cared. I bought my first house with my family’s help in January 2019, but at this point, my dad decided he can’t take care of my grandmother anymore, he needed to move to Utah to be with my half-sister who is going to the university and he did not want to take my grandmother with him. He bought a trailer to put it at my property for her, so I can take care of her, that was in November 2019.
My grandmother was really upset that my dad had left her with me. She loved my dad very much. I wasn’t the best granddaughter, but I tried my best to take care of her. We celebrated her 89thand 90thbirthday, two thanksgivings and one Chinese New Year together at our house. I went back to Taiwan with my boyfriend and my son at the end of December 2019 to visit my mom and came back to U.S in early January 2020. I knew that there was an outbreak in China from the News in Taiwan, but I was thinking, hopefully, Covid will be just staying in that part of the world.
I went back to work, thinking everything is going back to the way it is after vacation. I felt really tired and upset probably because I had so much fun in Taiwan, I didn’t feel like being tied to work from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, rushing to drop of my son in the morning and picking him up in the evening. And one day, I found out I was pregnant. During the first three monthsin 2020, I worked at the branch, and the threat of the virus was getting closer and closer. One case showed in Santa Cruz, it became an outbreak, people was not taking it seriousenough, when I saw the news. I asked one of the supervisorsabout how we can take pre-caution and possibly wearing a mask while working at the branch, my supervisor told me, masks are for people who have it, we don’t need to wear masks.
I was very shocking to learn that culture difference. In Taiwan, everyone wears a mask to stop the spread. People still remember the tragic event from SARS and is determined to help the country to stay healthy. There were small business owners came together to increase a production line to mass produce masks so that way everyone has enough supply. I was sitting in my room thinking we were not doing anything in U.S. and the numbers were climbing so terribly each day. People were thinking that Covid doesn’t kill more people than Flu.
I stopped working at the branch in March because I was higher risk to Covid due to pregnancy, my company was very kind and supportive to still pay while I stay at home. My son’s school were shutting down. We were in the locked down status for a month. The WHO was teaming up with China to ignore Taiwan, U.S. government were not taking enough effort to educate people about the disease or fight the disease. All and all were chaotic,and I knew Covid was not going to stop or disappear in few months. I stayed home with my son and my boyfriend. I tried to figure out how to help my son with his schooling online, helping with his piano class and practices. I did think, it’s nice that I was able to stay home with my love ones and I was lucky because I didn’t lose my job.
When I was pregnant, we found out that I was going to have a baby girl, my grandmother was very happy and looking forward to meeting her. Life seems not so unbearable, given the inconvenient locked down status, we as a family, it was peaceful.My grandmother really wanted to go to the grocery store to shop, her spirit was down because my dad was not with her, I did not go to her trailer as often as I should’ve been. I bought groceries for her weekly and took her to get her blood work done regularly. We fought for small things. She cooked for us, was hoping that we will go to her trailer to have lunch and dinner with her. Most of the time, I did not go. My son loved what she cooked, so he will be there with her. My grandma loved my son. He brought so much joy to her and she spoiled him.
Ya-Li Wu. Her Children and Boyfriend
I gave birth to my daughter next to my birthday on September 1st, 2020. We had a virtual baby shower from my boyfriend’s friends. My grandma loved the baby girl and wanted to hold her in her arms all the time. My heart just hurts so much right now. She loved the baby so much; I would go to her trailer just so she can hold her for a while, but she always wanted me to stay longer so she can enjoy the baby longer. My grandma looked happy when the baby smiled at her, I think that was one of the most beautiful moment.
Ya-Li Wu. King-Mei Wu and her great-granddaughter
In October, my boyfriend lost his mother to stroke, we were very sad because my kids and I were not able to say our goodbye to her in person nor to go to her funeral because of Covid. I was very sad because even though I did not speak Spanish and was not able to know her too well, she was a very nice family member to us. She treated my son like her own grandson and was looking forward to meeting her granddaughter. Unfortunately, that did not happen. In December, I had already used up all my vacation time and maternity leave, and even though the numbers are still high, I had to go back to the office and work. I’ve been planning on making a career change to be a home mortgage officer who can work from home and be more [flexible]. I love real estate and am influenced by my friend who is also a mortgage officer in anther bank. There were a lot of branches being closed and people lost their jobs. During these couple years, a lot of things had changed and is still [continuously] changing. I took a National S.A.F.E. test and passed to obtain my Mortgage Loan Officer license within 10 days, I was very determined to make it happen. Luckily, I was hired by my company to be the new mortgage loan officer,but I was not going to start until January 2021.
My grandmother took a fall on December 3rd, 2020. She was trying to take out the whole frozen chicken from the freezer and did not balanced. She broke her hip and had facial fraction. It was bad. I was at another office helping my co-worker to cover for her branch because they were short staffed. I was on the phone with many different people from the hospital. My grandma was hurt but she thought it was not a big deal, she did not need surgery and wanted to come home. The doctor told me that she needed a hip surgery otherwise it will be dangerous. I was not able to visit her because of Covid. She was scared by herself in the hospital. She had the surgery; it went well but then she had another stroke because of the internal bleeding in her head from that fall. The doctor gave me apass to go and see her that day because she did not want to be tested again, that was the last time I saw her in person. She was strong and was able to slowly recover from this event, she was moved to Elmwood Skilled Nursing Facility in Berkeley two weeks later after her fall. I was not able to see her, again due to Covid, all I can do was calling her every day twice a day. She was complaining about the nursing home and was saying she was not being taken care of, she did not have enough psychical therapy and wanted me to take a day off to help her move out of that nursing home. She had to share her room with three or four other residences.
I tried to call the social worker, but she was not trying to help me make arrangement. Toward to the end of December, the phone line to get through my grandma became very difficult, I thought it was because of the holidays that the facility was short staffed, little did I know that there was an outbreak. One Saturday evening, someone from the facility called and told me that my grandma was exposed to someone who was tested positive. On Monday January 4th,2021, they called and told me my grandma was tested positive. At that point, I was devastated, she went through so much and now she had to fight with Covid. My poor grandma begged me to move her out of that place, and I was not able to help her. She died a week later. Even before she dies, we were not able to go and be next to her. The doctor refused us to go in to say our goodbyes, they used the facetime, I will never forget about the camera was covering with the hospital bags, seeing my grandma dying while she was listening to us crying, she looked so tired and helpless. I told her how sorry I was, and I love her very much, I told her that she doesn’t need to be scared anymore, she will be with my uncle soon.
For the past two months, I have been grieving, it has been very difficult, the way I lost her was unbelievable. She was always there for me and now she isn’t. Covid killed her, and I realized that there have been so many people I know caught Covid right around that time frame. I remember when I worked in the branch in December, one of the employees caught Covid and I went for a test. I remember one of the customers came into the branch, took off his mask and told me this is just all a hoax.
There are so many regrets, guilts and sadness I have with my grandma’s passing. I am so angry at the nursing facility and people who did not take this disease seriously, I’m so angry about the government did not do well and take necessary steps to stop the spread. I’m angry at my dad was not being supportive to me and my grandma, I’m mad at myself.
I thought I could still have her around for another 10 years if it wasn’t for Covid. Because I was her health care provider, I was able to get the vaccine, on the other hand, she was just too late to get the vaccine.
I’m trying my best to tell the story; I’m trying to do whatever I can to make up for her and honored her. I hope people can see the story and remember who she was, how she died, knowing that how much she loved and was loved.